Wilmington Weekend Update #16

We are nothing if not a family on the move. First stop two days after our return from DC, Airlie Gardens for a field trip with Sellers’s class. We had the park pretty much to ourselves since it was a Thursday and BUTT COLD! We learned about our local ecosystem, including Spanish moss, blue herons, and model trains. We also visited the Minnie Evans bottle chapel, which, if you’ve never seen it, will inspire you to find the beauty in the mundane and also to drink heavily.

Friday night the partners at Cape Fear Pediatrics decided to interview a job candidate with two days’ warning. Unable to find a sitter, Margaret and I did what any couple would do: reserve a newly opened restaurant for a private party and sit the kids in front of their television. We’d like to thank Chris and Kristin of Chris’s Cosmic Kitchen, Toni of Nonni Bacca Winery, and the partners of Cape Fear Pediatrics for their patience. The evening made us closer as a practice and as a family, and inspired us to drink heavily.

Speaking of moving, Sunday was the annual Battleship North Carolina Half Marathon and 5K. I run the 5K every year, mainly because every competent runner for five counties around is running the half marathon. I finished third in my age class (39-year-olds-with-early-March-birthdays), winning a coffee mug. Oh, and Airlie Gardens wasn’t so cold after all. The race gave me a new point of reference for BUTT COLD. Margaret’s medical school friend Lunsford King came by after the race for an impromptu brunch, which led to an invitation to go fishing off his pier (more on this later).

The next week began with another teacher work day. I know our teachers are overburdened, but when teachers work isn’t that teaching? So then why are our kids home? Abby and Sellers kept Margaret from getting much work done until she involved them in some introductory satanic rituals:

Wednesday was Bradley Creek Elementary School’s first official awards day, an inspiration of the new principal, Ms. Pinto. I was there to see Sellers win a “Climber’s Club” award, given to students who have improved the most over the year so far. Thanks, I guess…?

That weekend was uneventful except for our fishing trip. We were all going to go except that Julian fell asleep for a late nap, Margaret was overwhelmed with baking (pies for the teachers, brownies for Lunsford, and cake for Abby), and Abby was grounded for deliberately scratching Sellers’s face while bouncing on the neighbors’ trampoline. So Sellers and I joined Lunsford for some man-time. Our fingers grew numb as the sun set over the intracoastal waterway, but we did hook two tiny fish, and we learned a lot about the art of fishing (I knew roughly as much as Sellers when we started, less when we finished).

Abby’s birthday was Monday, and we celebrated with what has become a Collins-Hill family tradition, the balloon drop. With bribery Margaret was able to alter Abby’s choice of dinner to steak from McDonald’s. Margaret crafted a homemade horse cake at Abby’s request, starting with a Blue’s Clues cake pan (and she can dialyze! What a woman!).

And then Thanksgiving was upon us. We knew it was coming by the flood of turkey-related crafts the kids kept bringing home. As you can see in the photo below, our kids really don’t know what a turkey is supposed to look like.

Having abandoned our planned Memphis trip due to astronomical airfares, we imposed instead upon Tom and Noelle Milam, Noelle’s mom, dad, sister, and brother-in-law. In addition to several dishes we brought Indian-inspired headbands for all the kids and some of the adults. We knew things were going well when the kids all stripped down to their underwear and danced around in the lawn. The adults, fortunately, did not follow suit.

Next, after a half day of work on Friday, I got home so we could pack for our big birthday trip to Myrtle Beach, SC. We’ve had some fun birthday parties in the past, but at some point the birthday child always ends up crying. So starting last year, and with the children’s wholehearted support, we supplanted the usual cake-and-piñata ordeal with an event for all three children. So Friday night we checked in at the Dunes Village Resort, the only hotel in Myrtle Beach with an extensive indoor water park. Our arrival time of 7:30 PM was a few minutes later than the 3:00 we had initially planned, so we gave up on the sushi dinner we’d promised the children and instead went for really bad shrimp and decent hamburgers at The Captain’s Café in the hotel lobby. There two out of three children managed to dump Sprite on the floor (Sellers, always fastidious, simply drank his). Then we went upstairs to watch TV on the couch like we always do but this time in a hotel!

Saturday morning we enjoyed the water park. The lazy river (every hotel in Myrtle Beach has a lazy river, even ones where this is the only source of running water) was a hit, but Julian especially enjoyed the water slides, running back to them over and over until we were exhausted. The afternoon was given over to more Captain’s Café (no shrimp this time) and TV.

Then we traveled a few miles down the highway and 1000 years back in time to (trumpet blast here, please) Medieval Times! Built of hand-hewn spray synthetic concrete, the castle is awesome to behold. We were immediately welcomed by the serfs and wenches and given our cardboard crowns, then hustled through the line to have our photos taken with real medieval digital cameras. Then we entered the great chamber, where we greeted the falconer, listened to announcements over the Royal PA System from His Majesty’s Chamberlain, and tried to explain why, after paying an obscene sum for the Royalty Package we were not also buying light-up plastic swords. We instead showed financial restraint by purchasing colored silver goblets full of frozen beverages and awaiting the start of the tournament.

We were randomly assigned to the Black-and-White Knight, and we cheered dutifully for him as he lanced rings from his galloping horse, jousted, and fake-sword-fought with real swords. We ate with no utensils, and I’ll say the chicken and spare rib would have been menu favorites at the Captain’s Café. At the end our knight emerged victorious, much to our randomly assigned relief. Oh, and yes we did break down and buy the boys plastic crusader’s costumes and a blue satin cone for Abby to wear on her head. What do they put in those drinks? By the taste of my margarita I doubt it’s alcohol.

After learning so much about medieval culture Saturday it seemed a shame not to make Sunday an equally edifying educational experience. So we checked out of the hotel and headed, believe it or not, to Ripley’s Aquarium. At least as fascinating as the fish was the moving sidewalk that keeps gawkers from clogging up the undersea passage. If you’ve never seen a shark’s belly, this is your chance! We hung out so long we had to have snacks at the Feeding Frenzy Snack Shack, a restaurant that made the Captain’s Café look like Le Bernardin. But not to trash it too harshly: Abby and Sellers found the dance floor charming, and we found an insect on the floor the likes of which none of us have ever seen.

We took another hour or two to wander the famous Broadway at the Beach boardwalk, although the kids found it more of a bored walk. Here they tried to escape on a dinosaur, but being extinct he was not the fastest runner. The most fascinating attraction at Broadway at the Beach has to be the flock of fearless, man-eating seagulls who keep order at the park. All of you in our generation will hang your heads at the site of the Kiss Coffeehouse. Just when we were wondering how the legendary prototypical heavy metal band of the 1970’s ended up licensing a children’s electric toothbrush we see this. Of all the fluids the members of Kiss consumed on the road, I doubt much of it was latte.

We had an uneventful ride home, deciding at the last minute to ditch a trip to the Tanger Outlet Mall for socks. We’re all unpacked and ready for the headlong plummet into Christmas. I hope you all had wonderful Thanksgivings. With luck we’ll all survive the Christmas season, but if we survive too well then the blog won’t be interesting. Good luck!